You wanted to hear more about my back, didn't you?

(Checking in... 4.5 months since my spinal fusion surgery)

So I've had the same thought come across my mind several times over the last week or so...

"Hey!  I can do this now!"

I keep having sudden realizations over silly little motions that are coming more naturally these days.  That might sound really stupid to you, but honestly there were many, many times where I thought I'd never feel "normal" again.  Now, the weeks are slipping by too quickly for me to count.  So many things are improving that I often don't even pay attention to the latest changes.  I'm sure no one else even notices!  In fact, if you were a total stranger watching me, you wouldn't notice anything at all.  I get up and down and move all around without as much wincing and grunting, ha ha ha.

I'm far from being perfectly "normal," but I'm doing pretty awesome.  For the record, here's the latest account of my new skills as well as challenges.

Stuff I can do now

• Look backwards driving in reverse, without pain
• Shave my own legs without it being a huge ordeal -- almost, but close enough that I'm going to count it
• Lying straight back and sitting straight up without having to roll on my side first (I can do this in the tub, but not quite in bed or on the floor.  Must be something w/ the water and buoyancy?)
• Willing to get into the lower cupboards in the kitchen without asking the kids to do it for me
• Load/Unload the dishwasher without looking like I'm trying to go potty in the woods
• YOGA!  Short, super-boring, senior-citizen-level routines
• Lean over and wash my face in the bathroom sink.  Before I could only tip forward a teeny bit, brace one hand against the back of the sink for support, and with my one free hand, try to throw some pittance of water 24 inches up to my face!  Yah, didn't work.  Now, if I'm quick, I can bend far enough to do it with both hands for a short bit.

Still working on

• Sitting straight up with my legs (together) straight out in front of me.  Looks like a giant letter L.  I can't do it, I still have to lean back a lot.  I'm THAT inflexible, it's crazy.  So you can imagine I have a long ways to go before touching toes is even in the picture!
• Getting lace-up shoes on without it being a huge ordeal.  Thank goodness for summer and flip-flops. 
• Being in pain when I shiver.  How funny is it that shivering is the WORST thing out of all physical feats you could ask of me?  Not funny at all, I tell ya.  
• Grocery shopping without pain.  The walking around is no biggie, but the heavy lifting of everything onto the conveyor belt and then into the car (and THEN into the house) is quite taxing.  When I bought a huge watermelon for Memorial Day... big mistake!  
• Getting my gut to work properly.  This one is what I call "recovering from my recovery" and it is... ridiculous.  Not a side effect from surgery, but side effect from all the medication I took for pain afterwards.  Ridiculous that my spine would feel so good by now, but the hardest thing for these last 2-3 months has been my intestines!  I was not prepared for this part of it AT ALL which is incredibly frustrating.  The good news is, my doctor suggested some new things to try lately and I'm sensing it getting better - slowly.  I'm hopeful that just a little more time and I'll be over that hurdle as well.

Especially lately, I've felt overwhelmed with gratitude for the totality of this experience.  It was so hard to find the light at the end of the tunnel.  SO hard to even wait for it when I knew it would eventually come but I couldn't see it at all.  SO hard I can't possibly even find the words to explain the suffering and depression, panic and pain.  And yet when you reach a point where you can stand in a little bit of light and look back on everything, you are filled with amazement and accomplishment.  And again, gratitude.